Random Thoughts

Introducing Sarah and Steph, the Northeastern twins! I don't know why but whenever we get a set of twins sent to us I start giggling like a school child. I'll take hot twins over a Beanpot championship every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Do you know any hot twins? Or just hot girls in general? Send them our way to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more of the Northeastern Twins

Boston.com - A horde of green bandana-clad warriors descended on the intersection of Harvard and Brighton avenues in Allston yesterday, screaming, squirting, and slinging water balloons until Boston police, who said the fun was getting out of hand, stepped in to break it up. Answering the call of a local arts group, nearly 100 combatants, clad in wrestling masks, trucker hats, and military fatigues and armed with squirt pistols, hydrocannons, and water balloons, engaged in an impromptu public display of late-summer zaniness.  The event, dubbed Allston Squirt Gun Day, was put on by a group of local artists calling themselves The Clone Collective. The battle was the second squirt gun war in Boston this month. Last week a group of 20-somethings, Banditos Misteriosos, loosely recreated a Revolutionary War battle on the Esplanade, complete with fifes, drums, and blue- and red-clad combatants toting water guns.

Every fucking day it seems like there is a new event like this.  I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does.  Why do adults (I use that term loosely) continue to feel the need to do things like this in public?  Listen I have no problem if dirty hippies want to have squirt gun fights, pillow fights or anything else in the privacy of their homes or back yards.   But what’s the rationale behind doing this at a busy intersection where the police need to get involved and you may fucking kill somebody?   The only possible explanation is that all these people must hate their lives so much that they need something like this to justify their existence.   Honestly this is the saddest cry for help for possible. Bottom line is that if the creators of events like these really wanted to help their members they’d organize group therapy sessions instead of squirt gun fights.

No way Arod can handle this shit...

Despite the fact that I’m a staunch advocate of women’s rights I’ve got to admit that Dan Masterson  made some pretty good points here.   After all, Hitler was raised by a single mother.   A penny saved is a woman fired.   Men have invented everything you see in the world.  And it’s true they can’t drive for crap.   But the bottom-line is that I just can’t trust anybody who won’t take off their sunglasses.   Still you got to tip you cap to him for the way he totally demolished that fat chick at the end. In all my years of living I’m not quite sure I’ve ever seen anybody ever get owned like that before. The poor bitch is still picking her teeth up off the ground.   Yeah right you didn’t hear him…

As a reminder our Jimmy Buffett is tomorrow night at Tavern on the Water.    We've hired the Baha Brothers to play which is the best Buffett cover band in the country.  And before they start at 8pm we’re having a VIP Landshark Lager reception from 7-8pm.  Personally I think this has all the makings to be more fun than the actual concert which is fighting words.   In addition Landshark will be giving away tickets to the real concert on Labor Day Weekend. 

Please make sure to RSVP for this party to landshark@barstoolsports.com. You must be on our list to get in. And as an FYI, we expect to reach capacity fairly early. Just being on the guest list does not guarantee entry. You must be on the list to get in ,but it will be first come first serve assuming you're on the list and once we're full we're full. So try and get there early to make sure you get in.    Doors open at 7.    And we are going to keep this at least 50/50 male to female ratio. Meaning we will let in more girls than guys because I can't say no to a pretty face. So if you're group has girls in it you will get preference.

What: Jimmy Buffet Landshark Lager Party

Where: Tavern on the Water in Charlestown

When: Tuesday August 26th

Time: 7pm

Band: BAHA Brothers come on at 8pm

"I told you the Jets were soft"

- Thanks to Jay for the pick

Reader Email

Was in toronto over the weekend for the red sox/blue jays series.
 
The attached photo is of a lady sitting DIRECTLY in front of us for the Friday night game.  Of course, my buddies and I had no idea what to make of it!  As her story unraveled, it turned out she was from Beverly, MA and her husband had the hat custom made at the Lids at the North Shore Mall. 
 
We couldn't figure out an appropriate course of action to take (beyond drinking, heckling, questioning, and making her uncomfortable), so we decided we'd send it to you in hopes you'd be able to expose this oxymoron!

I don’t even know what to say to this?  I know it’s never alright to punch a lady in the face, but at the same time this lady clearly deserves to get the shit kicked out of her.  I mean you can’t wear a David Ortiz shirt with this hat.   You can’t do it!    I’ve already puked four times just looking at it.    I don’t even understand what she’s trying to accomplish here.   She loves the Red Sox but hates Boston?    Fuck her!    I don’t want this piece of crap rooting for the Red Sox.   It’s unethical!  It’s unconstitutional!   It’s unconscionable!  I don’t know if I’ve ever hated anybody I’ve never met more in my life.   So while we don't condone beating up chicks at the Stool in this case I can't condone not beating them up either.

Frostburg, Maryland- Autumn Lee Leathers, a 24-year-old English teacher at Mountain Ridge High School in Frostburg, Maryland has been arrested on accusations of repeatedly having sex with 15 year old student. Leathers was arrested Wednesday on multiple sex charges including: 2nd-degree custodial child abuse, fourth-degree sex offense, perverted practice and 2nd-degree assault. According to police, the alleged victim told investigators that he had engaged in sexual intercourse with the teacher in May, 2008. He also told investigators that he and the teacher repeatedly has sex at her home over the course of the last three months. Frostburg authorities obtained a warrant to search Leathers' residence and say they have obtained evidence that supported the victim's statements.

The town of Frostburg, MD can get off its high horse and stop pretending they're shocked this happened. When you hire a 24 year old good looking redhead with an obvious fetish-model name like Autumn Leathers, you do so knowing she's going to come aboard and start seducing 15 year old boys left and right. Call it an "immoral certainty." And you can't hide behind that old standby "Gee to us her name sounds like the title of a Robert Frost poem" either. Because that's how Santa Cruz ended up with sex scandal pervert Forest Cascade Miles. Putting teachers with names like that among your student body is like releasing bloodhounds in the walk in fridge at Roxie's.

The Grades:
Looks: I've said it a thousand times: there is no middle ground with redheads. And Autumn is more toward the Rose McGowan end of the spectrum than the Ginger Kid extreme. I'm guessing the carpet matches the drapes, in color and in length. Grade: B.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: Autumn "repeatedly" had intercourse with the lad and only ends up with 2nd degree custodial child abuse and a 4th degree sexual abuse charge? That's like she landed all the jumps, made all the turns, stuck the landing, and the judges mark her down for artistic impression. Grade: A-
Intangibles: But in all my years of tracking Sex Scandal Teachers, this is the first time I've ever heard of the charge of "perverted practices." As a writer for the world's foremost salacious web site, should I be worried? And another thought: any idea what the "physical evidence" could've been? Used condoms? The boy's clothes? Some autumn leathers? Grade: A.
Overall: A-.

NEW YORK, Aug. 23 (UPI) -- Stuart Ross, the man who brought the TV cartoon "The Smurfs" to the United States, attempted to extort $11 million from his son-in-law, authorities allege. Ross allegedly harassed his daughter's husband, Blackstone Group Senior Managing Director David Blitzer, in an attempt to leverage millions from the executive. The incident began after Ross borrowed $65,000 from Blitzer for a start-up business, but later evolved into repeated threatening messages for more money, authorities allege. The Post said Ross, who lost all of his "Smurfs" fortune since the 1980s TV series went off the air, now faces seven years in prison if convicted.

It’s a sad motherfuckin day when the guy who invented the Smurfs is not only broke, but trying to extort his son in law.   I mean it was bad enough when Ed McMahon went bankrupt, but this is almost too much to handle.    I mean what are you going to tell me next?  That the guy who invented the Snorks is on welfare?  I guess I always just lived in this fantasy world that the top 3 richest people in the world were Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and the guy who invented the Smurfs.  Fucking sucks to be an American today that’s for sure.

PS – Anybody who says they didn’t have a sneaky crush on Smurfette is lying.

If people are wondering what our Meet the Model promos are like this video pretty much sums it up with. Picture the chick as the weatherman and me as the guy with the headset on. And I'm being dead serious when I say I think the dude in this video comments on our message board.

Well Osi Umenyiora conveniently tore the lateral meniscus in his left knee on Saturday and is going to miss the entire season. First Strahan retires and now this. I freaking knew the Giants would be too big of pussies to give us a rematch. They'd rather play dead than give us the chance to expose them as the flukes they are. Oh well. I guess we'll just have to settle for mutilating some other NFC team this year in the Superbowl. Hopefully the Cowboys. It kind of sucks though because I wanted the Giants, but whatever. A superbowl victory is still a suprbowl victory.

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(Send wake up nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com)